I had something else ready to go today. I was about to post it, but God had other plans this morning… story of my life.
This is for the ladies. Single ladies, divorced ladies, single mom ladies, basically any ladies struggling with their love lives or relationships today. I just want to ask you one question:
Are you getting what you deserve?
I know the feeling. You get into a relationship and it is beautiful. It is all flowers, candy, romance and candles. It’s raining text messages, phone calls, and dates. You feel loved and it is awesome. And then it leaves. One day, it’s just gone and you are standing in a world of pain, regret, loneliness and questions. What did I do wrong? Am I not special enough? Thin enough? Wonderful enough? (Fill in the blank here with anything) enough anymore? Stop it. Just stop it .I’ll tell you what. Enough is enough. I’m tired of women (myself included) sacrificing in relationships and thinking that they are not enough when the truth is obvious: you aren’t getting what you deserve. I think that too many women are standing alone in relationships that are supposed to be between two people, putting up with things that they shouldn’t have to. Or, left standing at the end of a relationship holding nothing because it was never the one you should have been in in the first place. And why? Because you feel that you aren’t worth anything more?
You are dead wrong.
If you are reading this and you are a woman I hope you take one thing away from it:
YOU ARE AMAZING.
I don’t care who you are or what you look like. I don’t care if you haven’t seen your goal weight in years. I don’t care if you think you have man hands or you feel less than all the other women at the gym because you are the slowest on the treadmills and you are still dying (I’ve got both my hands up, because that’s totally me some days. You ladies who can run, I think you are extra awesome!). You deserve love. Not only love, but amazing wonderful, over the moon love that makes you feel warm all over. It should be homey and comfortable and great even if you are in sweatpants without makeup. It should be magnificent even if you are 10 months pregnant, fifty pounds overweight, angry all the time, and only want to eat pineapples dipped in tomato juice (don’t judge!). You should have a guy who pursues you because he thinks you are an awesome God-fearing woman who deserves the best. After a year, you should still have a guy who thinks he is the luckiest guy on the planet watching Runaway Bride with you on Netflix while you are pinning to your dream wedding board (even though you aren’t engaged). And after 10 years, you should have a guy who is still willing to put up with you even if it takes you 20 minutes to pick out shampoo at the grocery store. You deserve everything that you want and more. You deserve to have a relationship with a guy who puts God first, prays over you and is fully committed to living in God’s will. You deserve someone who doesn’t play games or put other people (particularly other women) before you. You deserve someone who puts only one person in front of you: God. And if you are in a relationship where you are not treated like the gold that you are, maybe you should run like hell in the opposite direction.
If you are settling for less than you deserve, especially as a single woman, that you should stop right now. If the guy that you’re with only calls you at two a.m. on a Saturday and wants you to come over, YOU SHOULD SHUT THAT DOWN. Because you are worth way more than that. Every girl is.
I think, as women, we sacrifice what we deserve for feeling wanted.
And it’s totally not worth it. God wants better than that for you. I don’t think that God wants his daughters treated the way that we allow ourselves to be treated. I know that as a single mom, it feels even more difficult when it comes to dating. A lot of us fall into the trap of going out and finding another relationship to fill the void because we feel lost and alone. Sometimes, when you are drowning in responsibility it feels like you need help. (For the record, that’s totally not me. Netflix is my boyfriend. Seriously, I’ve got 99 problems and the fact that they won’t put up the third season of American Horror Story is my biggest one some days). But, you don’t need just any man. You don’t need someone just because you are lonely. And you definitely don’t need a guy who you are clinging onto out of loneliness who brings more problems and complications in your life. You don’t deserve that. More importantly, your kids don’t deserve that.
I know, a good guy is hard to find. You are preaching to the choir on that one.
So, what do you do? You wait. You patiently wait for the one that God wants to be in your life. It’s frustrating. Some days, I’m just like, “Fine, God. This guy I meet in the retirement home is probably going to be awesome.” BUT, if God wants me to meet the man in my life over strained peas, it’s not worth the heartache to be with someone who is not what I deserve. Plus, there are a lot of things that you need to do other than focus on meeting the man of your dreams (especially if you are a single mom). This includes, but is not limited to, working on your relationship with God, doing God’s will for your life, finding your purpose, getting things out of the way on your bucket list, or just figuring out what you want in a guy in general.
When I first became single, I made two lists: a list of everything that I would want in a future husband/dad for my child and a list of everything I plan to do before I get in another serious relationship. One list I kept, the other I have lost in my closet. Which list do I look at every day? The list of things I want to do. It’s got all kinds of weird things on it like bake bread from scratch, plant a garden and to heavily consider getting a tattoo. However, concentrating on this list is far better than concentrating on the other one because God is the one who is writing my love story. Yes, it’s cliché. But, it really takes the pressure off because trying to find guys on your own pretty much sucks. You deserve more than dating a bunch of random jerks. You deserve to be with the one guy that God wants for you. If you stay in a miserable relationship for the comfort of it, you are not going to be able to meet that guy. Instead, you’ll be miserable every day, putting up with what you don’t deserve and not being able to serve the Lord to your full abilities.
So, just remember ladies:
You are awesome. And amazing. And definitely a 15 out of 10. Every single one of you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that, until this glorious, wonderful, amazing guy comes, maybe you should make Jesus your primary relationship. Seriously, he’s the one guy who won’t let you down. I mean, he died for you. Isn’t that the kind of love that every woman wants? As it says in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God. who loved me and gave himself for me.” We should live for him every day anyway, not the men in our lives. We should spend every minute praising Jesus because he died so that you could have a relationship with him, the most awesome man of all time, way better than any guy that you are ever going to meet. So, if you are settling for less than you deserve, just stop. I don’t think Jesus died to set us free, heal us from our sins, and conquer hell only for us to create our own hell through settling for horrible relationships that are less than we deserve.
P.S: I’m not bashing men. I really love you guys. I just think that if we women never stand up and demand the respect that we deserve, there is pretty much zero chance that we will get it. Also, concentrate on doing God’s will and being awesome, guys. Because, let’s face it, there are some pretty awesome girls out there and every single one of them needs a guy who is putting God first.