And honestly, I never thought that I would be doing it at 25. I thought that my life was completely set until a year and a half ago. Now, after graduating college, I feel like I am rebuilding my life from the ground up. I know that one day, it will be worth it.
But somedays, it just feels like a harder job than I’m capable of doing.
Yesterday, my son and his kitten decided to put planting soil all in my bed. Between both of them digging in the plant and Ollie dumping the whole thing all over himself, my bed was filthy. (Don’t worry, I have totally learned not to put a plant on my bedside table. No matter how high it is, these guys are climbers!) Unfortunately, it meant that I had to wash everything on my bed.
Once I finally embraced being single, the first thing I wanted was what I refer to as “a princess bed.” I’m sure any woman knows what I’m talking about. Tons of sheets, blankets, pillows and ruffles, all piled up high on my bed to create a marshmallow-like pile of comfy deliciousness. (Seriously, having a beautiful, frilly princess bed for the first time in my life is one of the best parts of being single.) My favorite, and least favorite, part of my bedding is my huge duvet and cover. As gorgeous as it is, it is a pain to put together.
I don’t know if you have ever put a duvet into a cover, but when it’s a queen size duvet, its hard work. I usually hold it up and think that I know what I’m doing, but then get really confused after I have the wrong corners matched up in the end. I end up starting over around three times. As long as I live, I don’t think that I will ever master the art of stuffing a duvet into a cover. Last time, the method I used was to lay the cover on the floor and to crawl in with the duvet, matching everything up from the inside. I looked ridiculous and I think I might be the only person who has ever done it that way, but it worked. My son thought it was hilarious and tons of fun. You know, like a fort that you can’t stand all the way up in! I was just relieved that, after 5 tries, I got it back together. But, I know that no matter how much work it is, when my princess bed is back together, it is gorgeous, comfortable, and everything that I have ever wanted. I snuggle in and enjoy it, even if five minutes before I was sweaty and angry.
Sometimes, I feel like rebuilding my life is exactly like stuffing my duvet back in the cover. I think I know what I’m doing, hit a brick wall, and then have to start all over a couple of times. Sometimes, I feel like I look totally ridiculous, even if I’m doing it the best way that I know how. Regardless, at the end of the day, no matter what process I have had to struggle through, everything works out.
It’s pain, it’s hard work, but one day, as soon as I figure it all out, it’s going to be completely worth it.
I think, sooner or later, everyone hits a brick wall in their life when they have to start over. Whatever fairy tale plan that you had didn’t work out in the end and you have to switch to plan B (or C, D, E, M, Q, Z… Haha). And sometimes, you don’t have a plan B. I think the problem is that we are so busy making our own plans and being committed to one thing that you don’t realize that plans are just that, Plans. They are not promises. They are not guarantees. No matter how much you want things to work out the way that you have your heart set on, there is no way that to know what lies ahead in the future. But just because your plans don’t work out, it doesn’t mean your life is over.
Sometimes, the act of rebuilding your life leads you to a better place than you could have ever ended up in your wildest dreams.
I know, sitting here at Starbucks with the first free moment that I have had in over a week, finally breaking my baby’s 103 degree fever that this is not what I planned for myself. Doing this alone was not what I wanted. This life, some days, seems impossibly hard. However, I keep telling myself that I’m stuffing the duvet cover of my life right now. Sometimes I’m frustrated, sweating, and desperately trying to make it work and it’s just not happening. Other days, I think that I finally have things together before figuring out that I the corners don’t match. I think, above all things, I have discovered what it is going to take to make this truly work is to blaze my own trail. I am going to have to do things my own ridiculous way and not give a damn what I look like or what anyone thinks. Because as long as it works and we are both happy, I think that it is going to be okay! And, most importantly, one day, I am going to be sitting very proudly upon the life that I am working so hard to build, just like I do when my princess bed is together and all of the pillows are balanced carefully on top.
No matter how hard it is, it is worth it.
Rebuilding your life might be tiring, horrible and scary, but it will all be worth it when you get to where you are going. I know that God is taking care of us, no matter what storm we are walking through right now or whatever struggles we are currently facing. As hard as it might be to accept, maybe the hard times are necessary. They make us stronger, better people who can face adversity with a smile. It allows us to connect to other people and to show them that God guided you through the same storm and you came out on the other side joyous and resilient. Sometimes, you have to be willing to work through the hard times to have a better life in the end. Without my pain of a duvet, my bed would be without its current level of awesomeness. And without the horrible times that I have gone through in my life, I wouldn’t be able to help other women who are in the same situation.
As hard as it is to say this, and as impossible as it is to believe, I am becoming thankful for everything that has happened to me.
I am getting the life that I want and becoming the person that God wants me to be. Sometimes, the process is hard and I am not doing it the best or most elegant way, but I’m getting it done. I grow and heal more and more every day. And if you give your hard times over to God and trust that he will take care of you, then he can help you grow and heal, too. I really cling to Isaiah 14:10: “’Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” One day, it’s going to get better. And, maybe, you will look back on this and laugh. I know I do. As mad as I was that my son and his kitten had made my room look like a garden, now it’s hilarious. I am sure that one day Ollie will laugh with me too, because he is that kind of kid. (And, let’s be honest, his cat brother, Pip, is a bad influence. He’s probably just going to blame him anyway!)
Let’s smile through the hard times. Laugh when you feel sad or angry. Dance when you feel like crying. Soon the storm will be over and everything will fall into place. And once you are resting in the comfortable happiness of a life well built, all of the hard work and struggle will be worth it.