Wait a second before you buy all those cats! or Why being an older single woman doesn’t make you a spinster

cats pic blog

I got sucked into watching The Bachelor  for the first time ever this season, but not for the reason you think. I consider Juan Pablo to be almost as awesome as the thought of cleaning out the months-old Tupperware containers in my fridge. (He’s awful!)

Actually, the entire idea of 27 women simultaneously dating one man until one of them “wins” is a such a repulsive idea to me that I have always avoided the show. However, my roommate suggested that we watch it, so I gave it a shot. After suffering through watching the sleazy Juan Pablo kiss all the women yet still pretend that he had some morals due to having a daughter, I was disgusted. I wanted to punch a hole in my TV… but the women’s responses after they were booted off were enough to hook me. Every single one of them, even if they had just met this man and barely knew him, was devastated. “But I’m so ready for love!” they all lamented as they bawled in the limousine or outside of the bachelor mansion. And my response was,

Why are these women doing this to themselves? Are they that desperate?

Maybe they are, but I don’t think it’s entirely their fault. It seems like, in our culture, single is a synonym for lonely. And 25 and single is a synonym for cat lady. If you are older than 25 and a single woman, people start to think that there is something wrong with you. At family reunions, they are asking you when you’ll get married or reminding you that your uterus has an expiration date.

Apparently, if you are a single woman over 25, you must buy all the cats and become a spinster.

Why is that? There are plenty of people who are working on their careers in their twenties. Maybe they are not ready to start a family. Or, they simply have not met someone that they legitimately want to be with for the rest of their lives. These are all awesome reasons to be single. Even if you don’t have a reason to be single other than the fact you enjoy it and have no interest in a relationship, which is still awesome! You shouldn’t have to give any explanation anyway. There is nothing wrong with being single.

Single does not mean alone. It also does not mean lonely.

It simply means that you are not in a relationship at the moment. And that is completely okay! I think we have so many negative connotations of being single women in their late twenties and beyond and that is what pushes women to be like those I watched on The Bachelor. I don’t think that these women are honestly upset about losing the chance to be with Juan Pablo. Let’s face it; I feel sorry for the girl who won at this point that she is stuck with him right now. I think that they are mourning the loss of another opportunity to find “true love.”

We have deified the idea of true love in our culture… and it’s unhealthy and wrong.

Your life is not less in any way if you are single. Your life is not lacking if you are not in a serious relationship, engaged or married. You are whole the way you are, complete in the way that God made you. The result of elevating the importance of true love is that it is causing women to settle for less than they are worth simply to be in a relationship. Honestly, I have met a lot of awesome single women who are older. Most of the time, they are single because they know they are enough on their own, are successful, and refuse to settle.

What is wrong with that? NOTHING.

I’m not saying that getting married young is bad. Or that relationships are bad if they are exactly what you want and deserve. I am simply saying that you should never settle for a bad relationship and that there is nothing wrong with an older single woman or *gasp*

ENJOYING BEING SINGLE!

There are so many more different kinds of love than romantic love. Other than a romantic partner, there are the following: God, friends, family, children, pets, nature, and yourself.  And, dare I say that some of these are more important than finding the “love of your life,” especially loving God and yourself. If you don’t have love for God and yourself, chances are you still won’t be happy even if you do find the perfect guy and start a family.

Don’t let society tell you that you are only living a half- life if you are single!

I have definitely fallen into this trap before. It made me miss huge red-flags, think love at first sight was real and ended in an abusive relationship. Is this what always happens when you settle? No. But, Chances are, happiness is not going to result by selling yourself short and being with someone who isn’t right for you simply because you feel alone and lonely if you are single.  Loneliness is not a good reason to be in a relationship anyway… or to be desperate to find love like the girls on The Bachelor. While listening to the preview for the new season of The Bachelorette, Andi said that she loves her job but she doesn’t want it to be her whole life. And Wow! “I could be engaged before summer!”

It is insulting that ABC believes this is what women want. It is more insulting that we are falling for it.

You know what most women want? To eat whatever they want and not get fat. Also, to magically wake up and stop breaking out. Can we make a show where that happens? Or better yet, how about a show where they put someone through college and then America watches at the end to see if they get their dream job? That is a show I wouldn’t be ashamed to tell people I wasted an hour of my life watching.

Until we get better options, if you are single, don’t be in a rush to get into a relationship. There is nothing wrong with being single! If anything, there is something wrong with loving someone romantically more than you love God and prioritizing that relationship over His. It is a common saying to tell someone that you love them with all your heart. But, God is the one that we are supposed to love with all our hearts. Remember Mark 12:30? “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

The result of forgetting who we are supposed to love with our whole heart is that romantic love is never enough… no matter how important society tells us that it is.

The upside to remembering who we are supposed to love with all our hearts is that finding “true love” is no longer an issue… we have already have found it! Why settle for a man with imperfect love when you can have perfect love? More than that, why let society make you feel like you are missing true love when really you are missing nothing at all?

You are enough just the way you are, even if you have already embraced the spinster life and bought a starter cat for your collection. Never forget that! Single does not mean alone by any means. You can always have God. And if you have God, you have everything you need… even without a serious relationship.  

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